Tuesday, July 29, 2008

hats continued!

she found a hat she liked on my wall, one I didn't know existed was there! See, last year I had a fit! The hats were taking over my room, so Stephanie and Dominic put hooks on my wall and hung my hats from them. I am given hats occassionally by friends and had begun to drown in them, so, up they went! Providentially she found the perfect one lurking in the folds of another and was so pleased, I gave it to her!

so, a few scarves and a hat and a day with her daughter --- the time we're getting is a gift!

she's a good looking bald woman! and I love her so, she kept remarking she feels like a puppy since the shave, it's so soft!

my next reading is at Pike Place in the Park on Sunday with the poetry in the Parks series (4-6pm) these are some established poets and I'm so honored to have been asked to participate, so, I'd love to be a draw and see you there! Say Hi!

photo: www.atpm.com/.../images/pi...ace_market.jpg


Tue, July 29, 2008 - 2:50 PM
so, it happened all at once
which is a blessing I suppose
easlily explained or ameliorated
her mood and handling of me
grumpy to nth degree
she's lost her hair
all at once
not the dreaded scene
of pulling it out
a clump or two at a time
a scene frenzied and

no, this time it had been easing its' way out
a few strands a day, hardly
worth the proactive head shaving
she'd decided would avoid that nasty
other option
she didn't want to suffer it so

she'd waited
patiently to see
if indeed she'd need the hats
and now she does!

mefr 07/29/08

photo: www.dcsavvy.com

Tuesday, July 22, 2008



Tue, July 22, 2008 - 11:48 PM
ok, so the eye of the storm seems past. Her third round of chemo today and an eccocardiogram tomorrow, to check the fluid around her heart. She's got some numbness and pain, they worry it will keep her from doing the next 4weeks and the planned 6 week subsequent spate of treatments. Boo, this holds a lot of hope for us, in that it worked before! uggh, well it's a good team and they seem to be working aggressively now, to bring it under control, so we shall : BANISH DOUBT!

seems that's my mantra, for now ... that and getting back to rehabbing more actively. I'm, not interested in the further progression of any sort of core and leg strength and stamina. Fuck! I have Ms! And keeping up the 'rewiring' has to be my job, whether or not i like it or think it's fun. I do miss my yoga, and have found a recumbent bicycle to do my cardio training on, at the Y. So, if you love me, and are willing, ask me about it, will ya? A little peer motivation is always good! do be gentle! i'm fragile, kinda ;) xo E

erotic shorts this weekend! will attend friday, if there are still tickets and work hospitality saturday, if they'll have me?! ;) www.littleredstudioseattle.com

Friday, July 18, 2008

home tomorrow, in time 4 the GOLD show

and a reading, my shower, my keyboard, my bed and my lover ... new poery to write and a show to do ... yay!!! home! http://www.littleredstudioseattle.com/

mom's painting of figure from bob burridge class 2007

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

top 10 theatres in Seattle!

Congratulations! The people of Seattle have voted and declared you one of their local favorites!The 5th annual NWSource.com People's Picks contest is an opportunity for locals to stand up and be counted by voting for their favorite business and people. More than 80,000 votes came in this year in over 70 categories, from restaurants to entertainment, shopping, travel and recreation. And you made the top 10! You will be listed on NWSource.com for a full year as a finalist in your category.As the premier local guide for the Seattle area, NWSource.com attracts over 350,000 unique site visitors each month. These people are your potential customers - and they'll find you listed as the best of the best.


mom hads 2nd chemo monday ... we're in Stanwood ... going to shavev her head (hair is beginning to fall out) and get her nails done -- she's lost 30 lbs already (cancerouS fluiD)

this keyboard sux! but, wanted to update

trying to get home to perform in GOLD show cross your fingers for me!


Sunday, July 13, 2008

zoom, zoom -- sadness comes with slowing down

Sun, July 13, 2008 - 11:18 AM
So, I've been running my engines full speed or pointedly resting since her diagnosis 5/21.

I've been managing to keep my finger in the pot of lrs and do all the work of advocating and keeping her swinging toward life rather than away from it -- she's her 2nd chemo treatment monday, Better living thru modern chemistry ...

now, I'm just SAD, boo -- guessing i just need sleep ~~ buzzing from the white show didn't let me rest til, nigh on 4am -- PROVIGIL, rides in to manage the swing, but leaves me bereft of energy and joy :(

so, maybe I'll go back to bed?

Saturday, July 12, 2008

she's home! off oxygen!

well, the tempest has past somewhat ... she's battling nausea and getting the house where she needs it (equipment, meals, help, etc.) 2nd chemo on monday

I think she's lonely, too ... well ... that's part of the chronic nature of this type of scenario -- I relate, while needing to reclaim my own little piece of life, I'm working to be there for her, counseling her about meds, eating, exercise and loving ... being compassionate with herself and resting for the next treatment ...

white show tonight! rehearsal today and then a fabulous garden party of a show ... hope to see you there, too!




I am undone

by his poetry

his shoulders

his arm and his cock

his words unlock me

unwind me

beguile me


undo me

I'm done

it's thru its' over

and I'm undone

my heart beats

my breath quickens

his words thrill me cause they're for me

I'm undone

I want him to want me

I'm undone

reach for him

into the depths of me

want him to have of me

I'm undone

all of me


mefr 07/05/2008

Thursday, July 10, 2008

I'm a goof!

I started a post 'new poetry' and lost it, looking for the poetry I'd written in a notebook, on another's poetry, and in my 2nd journal. By the time I got back to the computer -- it had posted a blank page with nothing in it! Go figure. Any way I think I'll think on the poetry a bit and tell you the update. See, I'm thinking of starting to ask my 'further removed family' to this blog, by way of convenient updates on my mother and my own ever changing further progression through illness. And the poetry is often to raw and intimate, for some to even want to see. And well, I'm mostly a poet, but ... Hmmmn guess that means, I may be growing up a bit, if I'm worried for decorum? 'Course Bukowski said that was the death of a poet, artistically.

Mother is on her way home, in Stanwood, having started the discharge procedures this morning somewhere, around 6 this AM. She called after one, did i call it? She was in the car and on her way home without oxygen and sleepy. Her PET scan showed the tumors to be localized around the heart and in her colon, as we might have suspected. Doesn't sound like the lungs are involved at present, so that's good (must have been the draining of fluids-- both medically and naturally ;) -- ask me about this if ur interested) She's an order to start outpatient chemo at 9:30 next monday after which she'll spend the day with me. I'm hoping, resting mostly, and my painting some, too. -- if I get myself reorganized and in a position to slow down. She'd all her orders from the Dr. as I'd requested from equipment cause the hospital pharmacy wasn't willing to bill Medicare, but no matter, the social worker assures me if she's the order, she'll get the equipment. This will make everyones' life easier -- showering is can be one of the most hazardous things humans do these days, particularly i they're infirm -- and I'm not strong enough to do anything for her support wise.

anyway ... i'll think on the poetry --- nobody ever comments here???? if it wasn't for private emails telling me they read it, I'd really begin to worry! kisses, I love you for caring enough to be reading xxxE

new poetry!!!


Well, my bodies protesting and I'm really sure, I have to listen, so, I'm home. Cold sores, incontinence and stumbling can't really be glossed over, boo...

My mom is headed Stanwood, from the hospital today. I got myself to her, last night, with some chicken 4 dinner, she'd requested, but was turning ashen by the time we were done. So, home, I've come for more rest. She looked so much better, tho and was off the oxygen. The PET scan shows the tumors are localized and where we thought them to be, in her colon and around the heart, now we just push the chemo, which she'll do outpatient, here in town. So, this AM, I'm trying to advocate for the things she needs b4 discharge by phone! ugghh almost made myself get someone to take me to her, so frustrating by phone! but, i persevered and i think it's happening.

now, just laundry and toes and est ... the white show and a night in paris and rest!


Tuesday, July 8, 2008

ooohhhh b e d ...

Tue, July 8, 2008 - 1:14 PM
Eileen is off to bed, body is done, and protesting visiably -- mom is out of the woods, for the moment!

she needs to do her nails for the white show, but sleeping is hard to do with your toes in the air ;)

breathe, this too shall pass ... xxx E


Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Dr. Goodman to the rescue!

The cavalry has come!

Dr. Goodman at Swedish, whisked her from his office by wheelchair to the hospital, to a room and began draining the fluid off her heart! I left last night, with the idea I'd return this am by 7am to hear what he's got in store for her, hopefully chemo b4 the weeks' out! Amen!

It's the next round and I feel we may prevail with this new team! Here we go, I'll be with there until Friday am when her best friend from IN will stay with her until Sunday am!

thanks for your prayers, keep having happy thoughts and yes, I am smiling, again! Knowing we've done our best, my sis and I!

kisses y'all ... pray for her highest good, we're prepared but, hopeful it will be to stay with us! E