Saturday, May 31, 2008

oh, I can't sleep, I'm too, excited!

So, I'm really excited to be back for such an amazing show! My body is really rallying to the task and I'm feeling better than ever! I know slow down, Eileen!

The white show is a tremendous amount of fun, it's intelligent, and sexy, irreverent and sweet, they're clever new handlings' of stock LRS fare, some terrific visuals and some thought provoking undercurrents. There's some kinkiness and it's well, fun! the dance numbers are terrific and the band and Heather, and all the live music wow, not to mention the poetry set! ;) The script has been a fun thing to watch developing and to nudge along to this really generative space of erotic savyness, collaboratively. There is SO much talent here, and we're getting really good at birthing art and shows and, well, theatre!

I hope everyone will come, particularly those, I've not seen in awhile, this is a show that will make you proud to be a part of LRS and want to come play again, in whatever capacity. There is a freshness and vitality, that's just perfect for summer and the next chapter! Come! Kommen Sie! Come play with me!

Dai! Ci veddiamo a piu' presto cosi! :) xo Eileen

come feel the love!

A Saturday night for the glam gimp!

So, I need sleep in order to pull off my part of this show. But I'm so proud or what the studio is doing, well, I just can't not say anything, so for what it's worth, here's a place holder, a description of the show by another cast member. I hope you'll come and play and watch and say Hi!, too! I cut my hair, just to be more period -- it's hella cute!

Little Red Studio
The White Show
May 31st @ 8:30 PM

"Even educated fleas. . .do it."

Welcome to Donn's Hampton Estate for a weekend party
that will include dancing, singing, lawn sports, tea,
a seance, poetry and more. Ove the course of 2 days
and 2 nights, lives will be forever and miraculously

The wearing of white between Memorial Day and Labor
Day brings up many memories of decades past and
societal mores. Summer beach vacations, sprinkled with
lavish parties and secret rendezvous, entice us to
remember our own days and nights of coming out and to
peel off the layers of winter to see what's peeking at
us underneath...

In bygone eras of our history and of our lives, we
remember that moment when innocence was lost, while so
much more was yet to be discovered.

White or light colored clothing is encouraged.

A no-host wine bar will be supplied by Serafina

Please arrive between 8:30 and 8:45 at our offices and
gallery at 406 Dexter Ave. N. and we will escort you
over to the main space as we prepare to begin the

Where: 750 Harrison Street

How Much: $30

Tickets can be purchased in advance at Brown Paper
Tickets or reserved by calling (206) 328-4758

hope to see you!

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Miracouslous! Remapping the Brain and Feldenkreis!

SO, I went to my 3rd or was it fourth, class and decided to buy $38 card, before I even had the class. SO sure am I that, I'm on the right track to wellness of a different flavor.

Today, lying on the acupuncture table post a German exchange*, I noticed my legs disposition. It was so, different than in class last night. I felt myself more vindicated in having spent the $. The left leg, post a non walking interruption, usually just falls open, having little or no tone. It was falling open last night and I had little muscle control to do otherwise. Today it was pointing almost up with little to no effort, unlike what it took to simply hold it there for a few seconds, last night. In class, we had done a series of, I'll call them clam shell, muscle exercises that were difficult. (I'd smelled my shampoo come to life scent-wise, which makes me think I was perspiring a little.) Today, I felt I had more muscle tone. It wasn't just flopping! Yay!!

Anyway, today speaking German. Not just translating German, but speaking with Dirk my acupuncturist as I had once upon a time, when I was younger. I was struck by how much more easily the whole language thing was, today, after that Feldenkreis class And by how much more easily and gracefully, naturally, I was moving. It seemed to me somehow significant that a remapping of my body would effect a remapping of the language, would affect the remapping of the body and I started giggling! Suddenly the Ren & Stimpy Happy Happy Joy Joy! song made me giggle out loud and I felt joyous!

tonights' rehearsal for the white show was spectacular! I'm very excited by the whole thing!

***recent rediscovery of my**(*there's a special til 7/5/08, and I'm contemplating the $144 dollar for 20 classes card!)

happy happy joy joy

This was my house mates addition to my day! it's really seen me thu the day today!

I sent it to my best gf, she said 'I can't watch videos at work!' and then later ' that was really funny! '

later when my mom called with the news of her cancer prognosis in terms of what's next and she said 'here we go!' I heard it, again! Happy Happpy Joy! Joy! It still made me laugh and we decided on a diet of laughter for us both, from now on!

we agreed that, if it's fun! We're so totally, there! she feels certain they've found it in time and that the water on her lungs is just that fluid and will recede of its' own.

and I noticed my leg held itself upright (foot toward the ceiling) on the acupuncture table, in the way I couldn't last night at the frustrating, rewiring Feldenkreis class and was joyful! That in combination with remembering and speaking my fluent german with my acupuncturist, triggered giggling and sponataneous joyfulness, and then I had a deep felt 5E session and was SO hungry for goood nutritious food. I'd actuallly forgotten how good my second language feels to speak! It's like a whole piece of me has been missing!

So, I am again, overwhelmed by the synchronicities of life and the fact that Amma is coming Friday! just in time for the White show and the reactivation of the sacred goddess celebration, the Little Red Studio, has become in my mind.

Brownie sundae

so, why don't i just go out and have that Brownie sundae with extra toppings? My shoulder throbs as I think of the fall I've just suffered and try to convince myself not to care for the calories. This disease sucks!

I deserve to check out and indulge. Who does it hurt ultimately, if I never get up again? If I get fat and never move again, for loss of control? If you don't move it, you're gonna lose it! I probably can get away with not moving at least a few hours, when I'm thirsty or need to pee. However, what I find is that the less I move the less I am in control of my moving. Thinking about this leads me ultimately to the ultimate desire to determine for all time, for myself what I want at any moment, in the moment. It is this sort of fluidity of motivation, keeps me in charge of me. That sort of communication with another who will manage what you want in their way, to their understanding, sounds at the least well it just sounds horrible ...

I've a new show opening this weekend. It's not really workable to step off the treadmill like George Jetson and be the stuck cog. I keep working to remember, I'm really good at what I do! I need to remember if, I keep spinning my plates and not too fast, I will manage a terrific performance, and that is all I can ask, at any time : my best performance.

So, here's to keeping up! Work hard, but not too, fast and love what you're doing!

come hear some terrific poetry! An evening of live music, presented by sexy musicians the ' Red Delicious! ' See some original scripting and concepts by a local interactive art collaborative headed by Kerry Christenson aided by Gin Kern, Heather Ward Richter, Mae Hochstedler, Eileen Fix, MOST ImpRORtanTLY the troupe of the little red studio and set into the luscious red velvet and gloss of our new home at 750 Harrison, Produced by the heroic Jeff Hengst, this millieniums MIchaelangelo and premiere artist (new works being unveiled)! Bar supplied by Serafina!

I still want a bite of brownie, though!!! (the white show)

I want ice cream

I want ice cream and feel I deserve it

I went to a class about reconnecting my body

And walked out and fell down

It’s just the fucking foot drop

Tripped me up

No big deal, I get it, the ms has it’s own agenda

But Fuck!

Now I want chocolate to soothe my soul

Some definitive proof I’m not fucking up

Or I am, but it’s ok


Makes me want to give up so boring! falling down and getting up again!

30 times doesn't even count the first time i learned to walk


Mefr 05/27/08

Sunday, May 25, 2008

the white show!

So, that last poem, won't help me at all, for this show. Boo, I so burn to write that brilliant poem. Universal, and uplifting in that most sacred way. Transmuting real life into the lessons into art. Tactile Cuiing is such a one: it always tickles me when i hear people using the term like it's already a given Tactile Cuiing :

“tactile cuing”

my therapist

the one who’s focus are my feet and legs

my ambulation

he says ‘tactile cuing’ is ok

suggests, I seek it out

to help me maneuver the space

as I try walking ‘toe to heel’ up the hall

that simple act of laying a finger

along that yellow wall

as I move forward

keeps me steady



last night

at the party

I ‘maneuvered’ the space

felt free

supported by my friends

and the certainty of


strung out like

vines for swinging

from hand to shoulder

waist to arm

eye to smile

felt cued in

I wonder this morning

as I hurry to my yoga class

if pitching forward, down the hill,

I’d roll down to the bay?

no, I’d probably just skin my chin

wonder if the person crossing this path,

down ahead would be offended,

if I asked for her shoulder to cue

would she offer her arm with a smile

or shake me off scowling

wonder if the world

would be better

if we remembered

‘tactile cuing’ is ok?

isn’t it?

mefr 11/15/04

I just can't help myself, mh, again!

I liken you to scotch

Morphine on the radio, that deep bass

In the background has me swaying to the rhythm of you

i imagine the feel of you flowing into me

you burn profondo’, like the liqueur itself

The crevices of me filled by you and your solidity and heat

An energy of ascension and gusty inebriation sends me

Higher into the ethers of us

an elixir for any suffering or pain

a balm like spikenard restorative

a healing worthy of kings

oft sought for

rarely indulged in

always intoxicating

subtly supportive

divinely inspired

distraction nevertheless

mefr 05/25/08

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

the white show

so, first rehearsal for the croquet set of the show is tonight. I've said I'd do it, so I will. I've also said I'd work on the poetry set and on summertime, too. Oh, boy, I love that song, been listening to it since before I was born, touts my momma.

This is another piece to pull me forward. The need to show up. So, Mom had found more of that cword and is moving forward nonetheless, she's asked us not to speak of it too, much. I can respect that, no speaking of it too, much. Seems smart.

So, forward march!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

So, here I sit the morning after, in my gourded black knit dress. My hair, piled upon my head, in a tight bun. My thighs are exposed for the heat of the day gathering outside the blinds. The skirt's gathered up around my my legs & waist. I've the perfect dress on for the night & morning I've just lived through! Having discovered this star fish net-y thing in my backpack, on the way to brunch, it was the right weight and frame to my lines for breakfast. I love the look and am thrilled at the reflection which passes me in the hall as I make my way to the kitchen, tactile cuiing all the way, reminding myself this is what I've been doing. Polishing. I'm comfortable in my skin, & I'm headed there to write.

To write! Having felt the call of the keyboard to my soul. See, If, I can imagine blogging as a form of writing and therefor somehow not only therapeutic for the remapping in my fingers and so, rehabilitating. All the while being supportive to this brilliant thing I'm a part of the Little Red Studio. That seems it all lends support to the theory I'm running with, to keep moving and breathing and practicing.

Write a little each day, move each day walking or yoga or rehab exercises, paint / write / sing each day. Nourish the soul, tend your garden and be with one another. Share lovingness! It staves off at least the loneliness, and lack of reflection, by discerning eyes, and makes joy vibrations!. And this pleases me, the picture I imagine of me writing at the window. Celebrating Stephanie, my pink princess, and playing with Kelly, her jen doll, last night and this morning. So it went, show, party, boys and girls, and spending the night, to get up and go to brunch on this glorious Seattle morning! And now here I sit. Inside, away from the sun. Alone to contemplate the day.

Kept company by that growing numb patch above my eye, it gives me pause. It's broadening borders seem to tickle finger like, vexxing me for the numbness I feel. I am at a loss to express the sense of impending doom, I experience. (boo)

So, it has been 10 years, and I am still walking and self directed. Just this morning, I had a close friend tell me the hi esteem that he holds for me in, for continuing to do so, in spite of my illnesses plethora of awareness opportunities (all that crap I don't care to dwell on, at present)

Last night there was a show, at the studio. It was my first performance in, wow, I guess i'll have to look it up, except I'm not hugely keen on keeping real track of it, but needless to say at least since the surgery. I had fun and trusted, did some older work, did some newer, and did a collaborative cello, bondage aerial piece. It felt good! The images of Sophia swinging through the air and smiling, along with my words and knowing all that went into the writing of the piece, was truly thrilling to be a part of presenting.

This morning I'm wiped out but still moving lending support to the theory it was the anemia had me slowing to a stop in the water, thus sending me to the sugery. Hmmm? I wonder what is on the horizon.

Summertime? I'm trying to sing a lot more these days!

Friday, May 16, 2008

body painting ... nakedness of the soul

body painting ... nakedness of the soul
I'm wondering if I ought to have been a little more courageous in taking on the weight of performance that includes my stepping up to being body painted, I mean really how bad could it be? I suppose really beautiful in the least, frightening in its' worst. The small house we're expecting is lovely, considering the weather they've been predicting. We're planning on coming out into the night air with a fire performance.

The line up appears to include some truly beautiful, dancing, an original song styling. And sitting area under the stars with a lot of beautiful women,. A thoughtful, truly erotic, real life line up the likes of a Fellini episode, says Matt Haley (2007). You've a tremendous handle on that erotic element.. Who knows, I've been working out a lot, maybe I can trust myself, to get even more naked than before and show off my new body, sans ovaries and sans 120 lbs of detritus, I'd been lugging around. Hmm.

I think I'm a chicken.

maybe I'm really a rooster?

what do the mayans say ...?

sounds like : cas de se le on ? come viene il sol?