F@(*K!!!

so, after last nights' rehearsal, I was SAD ...
the day spent dealing with the skewed horizontal of my body

(feeling as though I'm in a boat caught in a sand bar and so, no longer floating upright, but listing hard to the right -- this is not a new symptom but is a revisitation of one I have when I'm tired or under some outside stress -- LIFE ?!? ~~so, ... bX3 -- it also reminds me of that time in Venice with the boat and the firemen and 'american pie by Don McClean (I think that's how it is spelt), keeping us from being raped, potentially or drowned or forgotten -- we were loud the water police came and we got a midnight tour of Venice by starlight -- sure we were soaked, flithy and cold -- way past curfew , at this pt) it )

... it left me feeling overwhelmed. Such that, the combined factors of pain, the rather routine rigors of a dress rehearsal with live poets (they're harder than dead ones' ) and the idea I had been inappropriate, intolerant or overly self-involved in combination with flubbing lines and balance issues .. I had a mini melt down in the bathroom -- i am so sorry R & Heather, and don't even know if you will read this, but finding sleep last night was harder than usual. The falls' I've been taking recently, while mostly sustainable damage, throb with their reminders, and make them particularly hard to ignore.